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Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in XoSo's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, March 5th, 2002
11:57 pm
Its been awhile since ive updated mah journal, which is odd since a lot of things happened in February. Not much has happened lately though so I haf time to reflect on the past month. I got to go see my Mary for valentines day. ^_^ It was so wonderful to see her again. We really didnt do much for valentines day. We were supposed to go out for dinner but there was quite a crowd, so we went to Jims an talked. Its so nice just having someone you can talk to like that. Im just so comfortable with her. Its wonderful. ^_^ We had a motel for the first couple of nights & then I moved into her house. ^_^ Mary started feeling ucky on the third day so I got to go with her to the hospital and take care of her the rest of the time I was there. I was so worried about her. -_- I lover her very much and I am very protective of her. I felt kinda helpless. All I wanted was to make her feel better again & I did everything I knew how. It was kinda nice though cos I really felt like we were married. I feel like the luckiest man alive to have her. When were together it just feels so perfect. Its hard to explain but its wonderful. I swear im gonna marry that girl. ^_~ I love her more than I could possibly begin to describe. *which is alot btw* ^_^

Current Mood: happy
Saturday, January 12th, 2002
10:28 pm
I just got back from Texas. I just got back from the best week of my life & I am a lil sad. I am missing my Mary very very much. Its funny, my mom an my sister were asking me in da car on the way back home what we did & I din really have much to tell em. Mary and I didnt do anything significant, we just were together and we loved it. Mary and I dont have to go out and do anything to have fun. Just being with each other is all we need. It is a wonderful feeling to say the least. Never in my life have I felt so loved, so complete, so perfect & now i'm back. -_- I am now back in cali & it doesent really feel like home to me. It doesent feel like where i belong. I belong with my Mary. I got a taste of what life with her can be and i must say that life with my Mary is damn nice & I want more. I love her infinitely.

Current Mood: indescribable
Monday, January 7th, 2002
9:33 pm
Tomorrow I am going to visit the girl of mah dreams. I am very nervous. She is so pretty an I am so shy and and.... *faints*

Current Mood: nervous
Friday, January 4th, 2002
9:55 pm
I havent been in the mood to draw lately. In fact i cant remember the last time i was truly inspired with a buch of good ideas, i mean i got ideas but for whatever reason I cant or dont draw them. I think i just dont. I had/have a very technical & scientific approach to drawing anime. When I first started teaching myself id find a pic that i liked and id cut it up into lil bits and figure out where all the lil pieces fit in relative to each other. It made everything nice an idiot proof. Even I could do it! ^_^ The problem was/is There was no room for creativity & experementation. Now I find myself drawing pics for their own sake. I dont even really feel like drawing them & I find myself spending less time on my pics. Im so used to drawing by the rules that i become paralyzed by the prospect of trying somthng diffrent. Bleh. Oh well at least i know what the problem is so now i can fix it. I need to break out of da lil cage ive built for myself, sure its safe in here but i think ive outgrown it. Time to test those wings. Nau all i need is some inspiration to feed my poor widdew brain.

Current Mood: apathetic
Tuesday, January 1st, 2002
1:42 pm
My new years resolution is to stop being such a downer. We are all, to an certain extent, products of our environment & right now my environment is a big pile of boredom. It doesent mean im necessarily a boring person. Its like a car that cant move cos its stuck in the mud. I need to find a way to unstick myself so i can get my mind movin again.

Some people for whatever reason just seem to like me dispite the boringness that i think i possess. Its easy to see what kind of person i really am cos I dont have a stoopid socially acceptable facade that i put up for the sake of being hip. I am just me & sometimes i equate that to being boring, but i forget that many people are sick of all of the fake people out there & are drawn to me cos im more real..i spose. All the fake people however are uncomfortable with me cos theyre so used to the facade. Its like if I decided to stop wearing clothes. Most people would be uncomfortable with that. People are afraid to be exposed, afraid of being judged. So they create a safer self that is designed to please the masses of other timid lil creatures hiding in their hip shells. Silly lil turtles. ^_^

That turned into a mini rant din it? O_o So sowwy -_-

In other news.....
New year was really nice. I spent the whole evening talking to Mary. ^_^ The poor darling is sick. -_- But I hope i made her feel a lil better. She certainly makes me feel good. ^_^ She deserves a medal or somthing for puting up wif my manic depressive mood swings. -_-
She's so good to me. ^_^ *gasp* One week! O_o Im going to see her in ONE WEEK!! O_O *faints*

Current Mood: happy
Monday, December 31st, 2001
5:38 pm
I used to have an imagination. I used to be more outgoing. I used to not give a shit what the rest of the world thought. Somehow somewhere that all changed. I began to speak more softly and less often & I became very self concious. Everything i write is very too the point and serious, cos its safer that way..I guess. I am so "out of the loop" my mind is starving for experiences. Its as though ive locked myself away in a lil room wif white walls, cos in a way i have. I dont have any friends in sacramento & the friends i do have are too much like myself. Basically what im trying to say is I need to get out more. This lil white room isnt giving my imagination (if i still have one) much to go on. As it is I am about as interesting as the stark white walls that surround my sorry self & about as fun as a root canal.

Current Mood: depressed
Sunday, December 30th, 2001
12:13 pm
Its so hard for me to keep a journal cos I spend too much time worrying about what im gonna say, if its gonna be worth writing about, if its gonna be well written, etc. Im a terrible writer. I'm not clever and my journal entrys are never fun to read. Bleh, im not feeling well right now, but at least im feeling better than i did yesterday. I got's me the flu btw. It's the first time ive been sick this year. Im glad i hardly ever get sick cos it sucks. Bleh -_-

Current Mood: sick
Wednesday, December 26th, 2001
10:20 pm
Christmas was very unconventional this year. We were gonna have the whole family over but the problem was that not everybody could be here on the same day, so we had two christmas partys one on christmas eve, the other on christmas day. First off my cousin Miles came over on the 23 and we opened up our presents that night, then on christmas eve my aunt Janise her boyfriend John and my cousin Chris came over. We had dinner and did typical family stuffs & then they left that night. Christmas day was the wierdest. I woke up an talked to my Mary for a lil bit then we took my sister to the airport so she could fly to Nashville to be with her boyfriend and his family. When we got back my grandparents, my uncle jeff, his girlfriend & several members of her family including her parents & her younger kids, her oldest son and his kids were already there. Did i mention we heve never even met her let alone the rest of her family. O_o Bizzare to say the least, but they seemed normal and they brought lots of good food so it was all good. Dispite the wierdness it was a very nice christmas cos i spent most of the day talking to my Mary. I think everyone thought i was rude for spending the day in my room, but i dun care. ^_^ It was my first christmas since i met my Mary and it is very nice knowing she is there and she loves me. The only thing that would have been better is if she had actually been there, which reminds me. Im going to go see her in two weeks! ^_^ Two weeks. O_O Im so nervous. She's so so so pretty & I am very shy. O_O I cant wait though, I love her so very much. ^_^

O_O Sheesh! That turned out to be a kinda long entry ne? Mebe i should update more than once a month. ^_^

Current Mood: mellow
Friday, December 7th, 2001
2:52 am
Betta Betta
Bleh! Its late, or rather its early. I really need to update this poor journal more often. I got a new betta a couple of days ago. ^_^ He's really kew. Big, aggressive & colorful. My Mary got her hot lil hands on a couple of bettas tew. Were turning into betta nerds. We each have two of em & we bof want another! O_O Its an addiction! I would really love to have one of those pure white ones but they are relatively expensive, $12 as opposed to $4. I swear when we move in together our apartment is gonna be filled wif betta bowls. ^_^ *yawn* well I suppose that will do it for this journal entry. I should sneeping nau ~_~

Current Mood: sleepy
Thursday, November 29th, 2001
2:39 pm
Yay I have a day off! I finally got a decent nights sneep! I'm still pretty tiwed after tha hockey game last night though. Mah team lost of course, by the score of 8-4. It turned out to be a good night however because I got home in time to talk to Mary. ^_^ She makes me very happy.

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Wednesday, October 31st, 2001
11:58 pm
Mass Suckage
I had a huge fight with my mom. I suppose its to be expected. I have one huge fight with my parents every year. We were arguing about something & I was winning the argument. My mom is childish an can't stand to loose and will never admit she's wrong and always has to have the last word etc etc. Anyway i'm being cool as a cucumber & making good points an stuff when she starts yelling and accusing me of random stuff. "You're not open minded" she says to me first. Anybody not agreeing with her is "closed minded". Anyway she eventually did what my parents have always done when we are in a heated argument and there losing. She changed the subject. The new subject was, what it always is "Tony is an ungrateful punk who makes my/our life hell every day he's alive".I feel like my parents hate me. They always assume the worst about me. My parents never taught me anything about how to be independent. I ask them to show me how to do stuff but they are wishy washy about it at best. They do everything for me without my asking them to and then they hold it against me. But what really bugs me is the fact that they always assume the worst about me. It's been my major complaint every time we've fought since our first big fight when I was like 11 or so. I would always sit in my room and cry and try to repair the damage myself, saying to myself "im a good person dammit". But this time was different, I didn't cry this time. I don't care anymore. My own parents truly believe that i'm a bad person no matter what I do. I should cry. But i've heard it too much. Im numb to it. I AM a good person, at least as far as I know. I suppose though if you asked adolf hitler he would say he was a nice guy. I was so unemotional, like a robot. It scared me a little. It felt unreal. I just felt numb. I started to believe I was becoming a cold emotionless person who is nothing but a thorn in everyone's side... Then I started to cry. I cried because there is one person who loves me. My Mary. She is all I have. All I need. All I want. She makes me feel special. She makes me feel like a good person. I would gladly die for her. I love you Mary.

Current Mood: thankful
Monday, October 22nd, 2001
6:52 pm
*Happy sigh*
I am not a writer. My thoughts are abstract,emotional & chaotic. I shall try however to write a few words about my Mary. First off lemme say that trying to convey in words just how much i love her is impossable. But i shall try my bestest. ^_^

Mary:

She's an angel ^_^
She's the sweetest,nicest most sincere wonderful person i have ever met.
She's highly intelligent. Much smarter than i'll ever be.
She's extremely creative and imaginative
She's a very talented artist. There is such feeling in her drawings. Even her lil sketches look beautiful.
She's by far the most adorable girl I have ever met. Her personality and her appearance are just SO perfect. I am extreamly thankful for every day that she will have somthing to do with me. I hope she never comes to her senses. ^_^
I have been euphoric ever since I met her.
I pinch myself every day because she seems just so perfect to me that I feel this has to be some wonderful dream.
If i am dreaming i never wanna wake up.
Personality wise she is very sweet as i mentioned but she is also very cutsie and funny which i love cause I can be kinda cutsie and silly too. ^_^
We love the idea of making people around us sick wif our schmoozy lil selfs.
We are both sadomasochistic and a lil perverse but with a cutsie twist. (dont ask)
We both have healthy libidos and are perversions are complimentary of each other *rar* ^_^
In fact its almost scary how sexually compatable we are. O_O
She is self concience and doesent think much of her self which i find almost funny since she is the most perfect person that ive ever met by far.
She can be moody at times but I think its cute ^_^
Her eyes are SO SO damed PRETTY! The prettyiest things ive ever seen.
She has these lil bangs that always hang down in her face. its so precious ^_^
She has the most seksay kissable lips.
She has a vury vury nice little bottom. ^_^
she owns a pair of long perfect seksay legs. She could be a showgirl.
I feel like I can talk to her about anything.
She loves me very much.
I love her very much. (if ya havent guessed)
She makes me feel special. She has made me happier than anybody has ever deserved to be.
I feel this connection between the two of us thats hard to explain. Its like we were made for each other. Almost like we are male and female of our own species.
Adam an eve / Tony an Mary.
I think Tony & Mary sounds so darned cute. ^_^
Were both very clingy. Once were together im sure well cry whenever were seperated. *sniff*
She has the voice of an angel. (Which is funny enough I suppose since she IS one) ^_^
I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I truly feel we were made for each other.
I love her with every fabric of my being
My Mary *happy sigh*
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